I look into my eyes in the mirror. Dark, full, but a bit lost… they wander back… to that day, when they told me you had left.
I’ve been doing everything I can since then, truly I haven’t stopped moving.
I wear waterproof mascara and go to work. And when I work, I don’t think about you. That’s why I work all the time. At least now I know what I’m running from.
But when everything quiets down around me… your image returns to my mind and I wonder where you might be.
And I only listen to that song, the one that marked me, when you left. The one that used to play on repeat all day at my house, when you leaned over to hug me anxiously. When I saw the screens around us flickering with our tears..
And since then, I dance with a wounded heart and stomach. An ecstatic dance that numbs me until I can’t feel my being.
They tell me ‘it’s only been 2 months, it’s still early.’ But I wonder… ‘How does one live after this?’
And during my day I run, I play, and I laugh, as you taught me. You taught me.
And I’m not worried, because I wear waterproof mascara.
I am strong, I don’t seek out the people who left on their own. To them, I say ‘good riddance’ and keep them away. They chose it.
But I do seek those whom life simply takes away, leaving you curled up on the floor.
Those you chose to love, those you called family, and together you built the person you now see in the mirror. Those are the ones I seek.
This mascara is very good.. waterproof.. it withstands beaches and laughter. Very good.. it withstands memories and travels.. but look now.. it seems to be fading..
No mascara has been made yet that can withstand pain. Tears melt it, and I watch it slowly dissolve on my face, leaving the eyes bare, the soul bare. And you see what you really are.
In your memory..
Electra Radioti
